Recollection :: Off the top of my head::

The pressure is on! It has always been on.

If I may say, I consider pressure as human being's greatest stalker. From the simplest decision making as to what coffee and donuts to order while on a long queue, up to opening that piece of envelope with your billing statement on it. While you are on a plane, you are definitely under a huge pressure -- literally! and so many other negligible things that is unknowingly contributing pressure.

Where I am now (geographically), pressure has been a part of its culture. Everyone is not an exemption. Locals, expats like me, and even one who is as young as a pre-school kid, goes through it, in school and most sadly at home.

This reminds me of what I witnessed one Friday ago while I was lounging at the pool, I overheard and saw one of our neighbors whose unit was nearby the pool. He was tutoring (or should I say torturing) his kid like Hitler. He was yelling and screaming because his son couldn't give him an answer on some Arithmetic questions. Poor kid, he was in total tears while guessing the answers. Of course, how could the poor thing focus and give his "tutor" the right answer when, he is being yelled and screamed at and being embarrassed by his dad.

They where at the living room and their glass door was wide open where anyone who is nearby could hear the tormenting treatment he is getting from his dad -- HIS DAD. Most of all it was a Friday!

On one of my conversations with my boss, he mentioned, quite a few times, "the system is not very forgiving so there is no room for errors". Wow! does the system say that kids must study and must not be given some slack on a Friday night? I guess it does...I just don't get it though.

Everything here is almost perfect but ironically their imperfections are just way too obvious. No rooms for questions and clarifications otherwise you'll be reciprocated with sarcasm or worse, you'll be screamed at. No room for explaining, otherwise, you'll be cut-off mid-sentence.

No room for forgiveness as they do not know how to.

One of those days...

::fmflores photography::2007::

It's just sad to see people who were trained with anger and pessimism all their lives. Their mindset is just too ideal that when they are "out there", they would never survive except on that tiny cage they are in.

It's a pity that they never experienced the perception of goodness. This clearly explains why it is too difficult for them to show affection, sincerity and warmth towards others as the "good" that they grew up with are all that can be seen and can be bought.

As stated in an article published by the International Herald Tribune as early as 1994: Rise in Materialism Prompts Worry about a Moral Decline: With more Money Fewer Values?...

...tsk tsk tsk...

Project "I DO" :: How's it goin'::

::How's it goin'?::


It's been one month and 10 days after I got engaged....and exactly 11 months before our wedding.

Out of the endless checklist, we have so far scratched out the wedding date (check out our wedding website) AND the Videographer...and the lucky winner is...(drum rolls please!)...Mayad Studios! (confetti everywhere!!! *whistles* weewheet!).

They are just spectacular! and (award winning too!)...and not cheap (argh!).

If there is one thing that we both would like to splurge on our big day that would definitely be the memories. It will always be that moment, that day at that place on that hour/s thus we will capture as much moments - candid or not as we could.

and so we shall relive that day over and over and over and over...and over and over...again...

Looking forward to meet the team (and to a very loooong vacation) once we are home in february. woohoo!

...okay so for the rest of the Project "I DO"...here we go!...

Proposal Story: Our picture perfect moment.

I was really tired and exhausted after touring almost all the major parts of Phuket so when we were back in our hotel around 4:45pm, I told Eric, I'll take a shower first  before we head out again to the streets of Patong.

Halfway through my shower, he started yelling "sunset! sunset is out!" then he loudly and repeatedly knocked on the bathroom door. He kept on blabbering that it might be too late if we dont go to the wharf soon, so I must hurry up...bla bla bla...and since it's his birthday, I wanted him to enjoy and let him do whatever he wants. 

Plus, Eric knew since then that I am always fascinated with sunset and sunrise (we both are). So there I was done with the shower, in a blip! and off to The Wharf.

As soon as we reached the The Wharf  we were just casually taking photos, and me kept talking about about the weather, and how nice the sunset is and hopefully, it'll be much better the following day etc etc. Eric was all along conversing with me only that he keeps on paying attention to the couple who were at "the spot" like it's taking them too long to leave (this is so unusual of Eric minding other people's biz)...but I didn't paid attention to it,  coz I myself wanted to go to "the spot" to get a better view of the sunset.

Minutes passsed, and the couple were still there, (i guess he was loosing his hope of making "it" perfect) so Eric started reminiscing about the time when he asked me to be his girlfriend 9 years ago(this was his supposedly intro), also on a (white) beach, while the sun is setting, it was also rainy that day and also on a September. I was casually and innocently responding to every word he said while taking photos.

One thing I haven't noticed is, he wasn't letting go of the DSLR, as most of the time, he would let me  use it because I have a better eye for composition than him though is very good with the technicals. I guess Eric just took advantage of that moment and he assumed I wouldn't take the camera from him anyway, as I am the one who always uses it...and again it's his birthday...(that guy is really clever!)

...finally the couple are leaving...

before "the question"

Eric  hurriedly asked me to go to "the spot", and yes of course! without any question I quickly paced and in fact walked past Eric and got ahead to "the spot" (he just knows me too well, that I'd do what I did). Then I was adoring the nature-- the sunset that is...how spectacular Phuket is then he started talking about that 9-years-ago-moment-at-that-beach again. I still didn't get the clue from there, I was responding to him yet totally ignoring him as well, I was paying more attention to the viewfinder.

...so the "click-clicks!" of the camera continued, then Eric suddenly asked me "can you please get me the 50mm lens?"…

From where I stood after "the question"

Okay, he's going for the macro shots nice! So, I headed towards the camera bag (which he mysteriously placed in the middle of the way) but I moved  it safely beside the railing where I stood (unaware of why he did placed it there so I just ruined it again). 

Then I unzipped the camera bag…

Whoa! Sparkles and glitters in the tiny box stared right back at me...omg! it's a ring! an engagement ring! - is it?

 Yes! it is!!! but I can't get myself to really say those words, instead what came out was..."ano ni?!”  ("what is this?!") for neither both of us  couldn't remember  how many times I asked that question…

Eric on the otherhand, after a while of speechlessness, he was beside me and managed to utter "tindog anay kay maluhod ko” ("will you stand-up coz I'm going to kneel"). hahaha!

Sunset at "the spot" 

...so I stood but without taking my eyes of the ring, coz I felt like, the moment I took my eyes off it or if  I'm going to blink, I might wake-up and realize that I was still in my room back in Singapore.  I have never felt so awkward, nervous, shaky and spaced-out with Eric until that day. 

 I panicked because I didn't know how to react. So I started laughing -- really hard! like I saw or heard something really funny then I when I paused, Eric (poor thing) lost all his focus all he forgot all of what he wanted to tell me because I got him distracted, so he just straight away asked 

 "will you marry me?” 

 ...and I started laughing again, because I am shocked, nervous and happy. When I stopped laughing he asked me again "te? (well?) will you marry me?” and that's when I gave him my  sweetest answer. 

I said YES

-the end-

Our "so-cold" life

if you complain that you do not have enough.
if you are whinning about how cruel life is.
if you are too passive to care for yourself
if you are simply oblivious to the wonderful things around you...
and if you have already given up and kept on giving up because of some circumstances then...

look at yourself in the mirror, count how many arms and legs you have then watch this video.






...so what's up with all the complains, the whinning and all those things?...

Thoughts from slumber

                                                                          fmflores::Photo::08

We did not endure life,

But is life who endured us - our human and selfish nature.
It unfailingly taught us things unimaginable for as long as we live.

When life itself surrenders only then we realize...

what we had. 
what it could have been.
what we should have done.
what we should have said. 


...it is always too late.
then we linger on the memory - memories
                                            ...for a while


...and so we move on
and the  overwhelming loss slips away
 
we never learn...

This is It.

I am never an MJ fan, ever. Though undeniably, his music has this "effect" on people. Yes please, count me in. It's just difficult to not like his songs and not stop from liking it each and everytime you listen to it.

My most favorite among his songs is the "Man in The Mirror". Surprisingly it was the finale of his memorial. Thus here I am, not letting go of that moment.

As the Man in the Mirror's intro is playing, I waited for that "hiccup" like I always do and...nothing...just the instruments. I was just hearing the instruments, staring at the microphone on spotlight in an empty stage with the silent and dispersing crowd. That was the emptiest, the most abandoned stage I have ever seen and the saddest music I have ever heard. It was a very awkward moment for the song and that's where I felt the "loss"

I will never get to hear that favorite song being sang live...ever.